Thursday, September 8, 2011

More flowers and moving on with Life


More of my flowers have been blooming, my Nasturtium has quite a few flowers now, I bought a Red/black velvet one instead of the usual orange flowers you normally get. Check it out, its pretty cool;

My Red/Black Velvet Nasturtium Flower :D

Anyhoo..This week is almost over, it seems like it has gone real fast! My Sister (Anna) is down from Auckland on her semester break from University (YAY!) So we spent the weekend Celebrating Fathers day, and then on Monday i died her hair Blue Black (I am yet to see the result in daylight, but I'm sure its wicked). So yeah I'm pretty excited she is home for now, i love having her back :)

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Well, on other news, my Parents have put our Family home on the market :( Hopefully selling it in Auction by the end of this month. It's such a weird feeling having the home you lived in your whole life (except 5 months in America) Go for sale. It just seems unnatural, that when you are young, you think it will be there forever, that you will always be able to go back, your parents will still be there doing their thing. (Mum in the Garden and Dad in the Garage making puzzles...) I know we all have to move on with our lives, make new chapters. But i think you never really prepare yourself for that change. Me - I hate change (and i don't use the word hate lightly - I really do find it very hard). For me life would be so happy for everything and everyone to just stay where they are, where i can find them, for memories to stay safe where they were made. 

For me, i find it hard to remember parts of my childhood, it feels like someone has stolen parts of my memories while i sleep, i have to go deep in my mind to find them, but its so much easier being able to go home to my parents and recapture them. But we do need to learn to except change, to be able to find our own ways to remember and to not forget. I think the hardest part of this is that I'm not sure what effect this is going to have, on all of us; My Parents, my Brother and Sister and me..we will no longer have a base for us to gather. My parents are going to be moving overseas, to do mission work in Myanmar (Burma), I'm not sure for how long. But they will definitely not be in driving distance anymore, which I think will be the hardest part for all of us. My Brother and I moved out of home a long time ago, but my little sister has only been away for a year and still comes home in the holidays - this home is still her base - her real Home.

I'm still not sure how i feel, this is something that is always on my mind, I'm trying to sort out my feelings (will i be ok?) I'm sure i will, this happens to everyone, we have just not been the moving type of Family. My husband can't understand my emotional attachment to my Childhood home, i understand why, as he moved around a lot as a child. So he does not get 'emotionally attached' to homes, or places. Life goes on..it always changes, we just have to learn to go with it.

So, i watch and wait to see if it sells, then it's gone. My Parents will buy a new home, and leave..but we are all grown up now. Why does it feel like we are little children again - losing everything?
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My Sister and myself are going with mum to Christchurch on Sunday, to visit my Gran (who is sick) and i think to just generally catch up with family, it has been about 3 years since i have been down south to visit them. I'm quite excited, to have a break, and to go on a plane (they always excite me) and to spend some time with my Mum (who will be leaving again for Myanmar by the end of this month).

So, life changes and moves all around us, everyday..i think my challenge for this year is to better prepare myself for change, for sadness (for me the loss of the base..), and the departing of my Parents, but I'm and adult now, I'm married, I will have my own family one day, and my children might feel the same way i do..so i need to learn to deal with it, So i can one day, prepare them, for the day we move on with our lives..


Sorry for the long post today, it has been weighing on my heart..

NB: I'm sick at the mo, with a bit of a nasty infection - making me feel yuck, the cramps are the worst, I suppose it keeps my mind of my shoulders, but never-the-less it sucks :(

xx






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